The power of forgiveness

To the editor:

The older you get, the more predictable human nature can seem to be. One with a jaundiced eye might say all too predictable, for its selfishness, greed and dubious intentions. We know of mankind's tendencies in either direction – noble, kind and generous – as well as mean, greedy and crude. And most of the time what we see and experience is a mix that lands somewhere between the two extremes. But there is one human trait that is totally unpredictable -- It cannot be measured and is in no way quantifiable, and that is the human capacity for forgiveness.

There are countless examples of extraordinary forgiveness in history and more than a few in our time. My thoughts always return to the Amish community in Pennsylvania 13 years ago who forgave the man who killed eight of their children at the community school. The forgiveness was almost immediate, within a few hours members of the Amish community were visiting the parents of the man who committed the crime. They consoled his parents, told them they had forgiven their son and then attended the son's funeral in large numbers.

I think of this sometimes when I am struggling to forgive something that is so petty and insignificant in comparison it is hardly worth mentioning, but each of us must honor our feelings -- our own subjectivity -- what is trivial to some might be deeply troubling to others.

On the whole, forgiveness is one of humankind's most noble traits, seen as much among women as in men if not more so, and it reminds all of us that the capacity we have to forgive allows us to continue to grow spiritually while not losing out faith in ourselves or in humanity.

Mercy is much the same and closely related to forgiveness, we see it everywhere. Just one example would be The Quality of Mercy speech in Shakespeare's 'The Merchant of Venice.” It is a beautiful expression of what mercy and forgiveness are all about. But forgiveness takes time. It is a process that cannot be rushed. Mercy is often needed right away. It prevents us from acting out of anger, rage and a need for revenge. It reminds us that justice must be tempered with mercy to truly serve its highest purpose.

No one has the right to tell another person they must be merciful and forgiving, but they might offer their experience to a loved one who is struggling to understand the dark side of human nature. The experience of having been forgiven is just as meaningful as the experience of forgiving. And we are likely to experience being forgiven just as much if not more so.

Humility is a learned behavior. It often comes from understanding what it means to forgive and be forgiven. Forgiving ourselves is just as important and hardest of all, but it makes it so much easier to do when we learn to forgive others.

- Jim Turner, Fairfield