Dear Abby - Mom wonders how to rekindle friendship

DEAR ABBY: We used to live in a neighborhood where my 13-year-old daughter's best friend, "Mandy," still lives. They would play together often. Since we moved, Mandy has been to our new home (five miles away) 12 times.

The last several times we have invited her to come over, she has been unable to, which I understand. But recently, I have received no response at all from her mom. (Mandy was invited to my daughter's sleepover, and I was not told whether she was coming or not. She didn't.)

My daughter is heartbroken, but I feel I have done all I can do to offer a chance for them to get together. I emailed the mom asking if I had offended her, or if her daughter no longer wanted to be friends anymore. Mandy's mom indicated there was no offense; they just have been super-busy. (Our daughters email each other several times a week, so I think they still would like to be friends.)

How should I handle this? And what should I tell my daughter? -NOT THAT FAR AWAY

DEAR NOT THAT FAR: Not knowing Mandy's mom, I can't render an opinion about whether she's leveling with you about her schedule. She may be super-busy, experiencing family problems, or simply not want to drive her daughter for a play date. You have no choice other than to let her know Mandy is welcome.

Tell your daughter what her mom told you - that she's busy, and that you are sorry it has limited the time she gets to spend with her friend. Also, make a point of getting your daughter involved in new activities, so she can meet other girls and develop new interests.

Have you offered to take your daughter to Mandy's house so her mom won't have to drive?

DEAR ABBY: My husband of seven years has always placed Wife No. 1 (I'm his second) on a pedestal. He calls her to drive him to doctors' appointments, take care of his finances - he even puts some of our bills in her name. He also talks to her about our marital problems and what we do in the bedroom.

I'm the mother of his kids and I have always stood by him. I even made an extra effort to befriend the ex, only to find out she used it to her advantage to get more buried into our personal lives.

I'm ready to call it quits, but I'm concerned that the two of them will make me out to be selfish for wanting to come first or for leaving. -FED UP IN TEXAS

DEAR FED UP: Offer your husband the option of seeing a marriage counselor. If he refuses - and he probably will - get some counseling without him. While you?re there, describe your husband's continued involvement with his ex and discuss whether being unable to tolerate this "marriage of three" means you are "selfish." I don't understand how you have tolerated it this long.