Head Clamped to Hog Fencing

Following my story last week about a hearing-aid tip being stuck in my ear, Diana Parson from Ottumwa wrote this hilarious story about her cochlear ear implants.

By Diana Parson

That hog fencing. It was just about my undoing. But let me back up.

Women on my maternal grandmother’s side had genetic deafness. Great Aunt Helen? Deaf as they come, although she would smile and bob her head, trying to follow the emotions of the gathering. Grandma? Just about the same. Mom? Really hard of hearing, even with the aids.

In my youthful arrogance, I thought that deafness would not be on my bingo card. I was invincible. I was a speech teacher, for crying out loud. I had to hear… had to hear every inflection, every nuance, every volume, pitch and tempo. I loved music and could not even begin to comprehend singing harmony and doing rhythm if I could not hear anyone else in the group.

Then, my last year of teaching, I began to notice that my students were not speaking up and were not enunciating. I would write on their speech outlines that the organization of the speech was great… good poise and eye contact… wonderful opening and closing… but could you speak up a little more, please?

In college, a professor told us that when we spoke, we should project to the “deaf old lady in the back row.” I was now that lady.

I got some hearing aids… hated to wear them. They were a badge of weakness, so I pulled my hair forward to hide them. I just hoped that whatever temporary problem my ears were having would soon resolve and that I could get back to normal living.

No. That didn’t happen.

My hearing became progressively worse and I watched myself turn into Aunt Helen. I was a very social person, but now I just wanted to stay on the sidelines… or not mingle at all. It was easier to stay home than have people either annoyed at me or condescending to me as if I had no brains.

That was when my friend Mary stepped into the conversation. Mary had been our school librarian and she was profoundly deaf. But then… she got cochlear implants. And her world changed! The more she talked to me, the more I was intrigued.

I made the appointment with the help of my audiologist, and was afraid/not afraid that I would be approved for the surgery. I was approved and Medicare stepped in with its magic to pay the bill. Thank you, Mary.

The healing from the surgery was some of greatest pain I have ever experienced. (And if you are considering this, don’t let the fear of pain put you off.). But I healed and the implants were activated on New Year’s Eve. Happy New Hear!!!

These implants…. I won’t pretend to be able to explain all the technical stuff. But basically they would thread wire through my head which was connected to a strong magnet/receiver embedded in my skull. Sound would bypass the normal route to the brain and travel the wire. Another piece with a strong magnet would be placed on the outside of my head. I could only hear when the two magnets touched.

And now to the hog fencing…

My little garden has metal hog fencing to support the tomatoes. Works like a dream. Except… I stumbled. And the next thing I knew, my head was slapped firmly against the hog fencing. I was caught by the magnet in my head. The outer piece had hit the ground. I wanted to be very careful untangling my head from the hog fencing, not sure how much pressure I could use. Turns out that it didn’t take too much pressure, but while I was slammed up against the wire, all I could think of was Aunt Helen. She would have been laughing. Bless her heart…. I had to laugh with her.

Note: Diana has written three books and is working on her fourth. Her books are available on Amazon under the name Diana Newquist Parson.

Have a good story? Call or text Curt Swarm in Mt. Pleasant at 319-217-0526 or email him at curtswarm@yahoo.com. Curt is available for public speaking.