Unexpected travel bumps

[Editor’s note: The following short story was written by one of my Creative Writing students, Ron Hawn, who lives near Marshalltown. I thought Ron's story too well written and cute to not share.]

The land of opportunity, prosperity, entertainment, friendship, and all sorts of challenges: Las Vegas.

Challenges may be more obvious than the first four expectations, however you always expect the unknown in any new experience. You shouldn’t have challenges, but you do. It’s just part of the natural outcome of doing stuff. And it wasn’t my intention to travel through LV to begin with. It just so happened to be part of the itinerary between A city and B city. I have been to LV before, but never by air, only by auto. And therein are the challenges.

First, I remember when flying was fun, the “looking forward to going and getting there fast,” instead of what it has become: narrow seating, TSA, waiting in lines, going early to wait for a flight two-or-three hours later, taking off shoes (usually waived if you are over the age of 73, the old age benefit), emptying all your pockets, unzipping your pants, all in the name of passenger safety.

I learned several flights ago to ask for wheelchair assistance when I picked up my boarding pass. The distance from gates, bathrooms, baggage claims, etc., really makes it convenient for mobilized old people, who are usually in the way, while searching the concourse for hard to read boarding schedules. I let the valets, who know the way to everywhere, find the “where” I needed to be.

They actually sign up for dodging other wheelchair drivers through a maze of the old people that decided to take their lives in their hands to run raggedly to their missed flights, so they can plan a next day flight to frantic family members waiting for their missing grandmas and grandpas. These youthful, healthy, and energetic transporters, have the responsibility of a timely delivery, while you kick back in your chair, as they race to your gate destination. A five-dollar remuneration lends to a less stressful and valuable experience.

At the lengthy layover in LV, a much needed potty break was required. This became another challenge I hadn’t considered. My wheelchair valet had deserted me at my gate, so I tried to manipulate the thing into a rather crowded gambling casino. There were whirring and dinging machines in every quadrant, along with liquor counters and rows of restaurants, to maneuver around and through. I know I just imagined some of the fliers saying things like, “why can’t these crippled old people fly somewhere else?”

Soon, I reached a men’s room and wheeled through a generously wide door. I found a stall on one end and wheeled up to the door, disembarked, and left the chair near the next stall.

I heard a banging sound, as well as a few expletives. Not being an experienced wheelchair operator, I had inadvertently parked so close to my neighbor’s stall, that he had become trapped. I imagine his flight was soon to take off, and he was desperately trying to escape. An understanding passerby stranger relocated my ride, and placed it out of the way of the swearing, aggravated toileteer.

I was having my own kind of challenge, as I have mentioned earlier. When I stood from my seated position, the toilet flushed immediately, and simultaneously, my billfold fell out of my back pocket onto the toilet seat. It bounced twice and I watched in horror as it caromed toward the flushing billfold eater. But, PTL! It took a friendly hop the other direction and fell on the floor. Whew! I gasped and began praising the Lord! All my cash, credit cards, and other pertinent data flashed before my eyes, but the Lord was with me, even in the potty!

Have a good story? Call or text Curt Swarm in Mt. Pleasant at 319-217-0526 or email him at curtswarm@yahoo.com. Curt is available for public speaking.