Dueling, idiots and Iowa law

The loyal readers of my column - both of them - may recall that a while ago, I wrote about a little-known quirk in the Iowa Constitution.

Article II, Section 5, says that "idiots" are not to be allowed to vote. (Nothing, however, in the Iowa Constitution, or any of the Code of Iowa, prohibits idiots from running for office.)

Like many other states, Iowa has some unusual laws. A few years ago, Iowa voters approved a constitutional amendment that repealed the section prohibiting people who had participated in a duel from running for public office.

That change was not a proposal by the National Rifle Association to loosen gun control laws, probably because it's pretty hard to win a duel with a rifle. It was, we were told, an attempt to update Iowa's laws, improve Iowa's image, and remove one of the more embarrassing reminders of our past.

Both the "idiot" provision and the "dueling" rule are expressions of what life, and language, was like when Iowa became a state.

When the Iowa Constitution was adopted, the word "idiot" meant only a person of diminished mental capacity. It did not, at that time, refer to someone who did something stupid.

And as far as dueling was concerned, Iowa in the mid-1800s was not all that far removed from the time or places where gentlemen solved their disputes openly, eye-to-eye, toe-to-toe, and barrel-to-barrel.

In fact, some of the people who helped write the Iowa Constitution were alive during the presidency of Andrew Jackson, who once killed a man in a duel over a political dispute.

Abraham Lincoln, when he was a legislator and lawyer - and the writer of some extremely sarcastic letters to the editor of Illinois newspapers - was challenged to a duel by someone he had made fun of in one of his letters. Lincoln accepted the challenge, and exercising the rights customarily belonging to the person accepting the challenge, chose the weapons - broadswords. His opponent, realizing the absurdity of facing the long-armed Lincoln with a sword, withdrew his challenge, preserving Lincoln's right to run for office in Iowa, which would have given him an edge in the first-in-the-nation caucuses if he had decided to move across the Mississippi River.

Now, at least one Iowa legislator, Pam Jochum (D-Dubuque), is trying to change that wording. Jochum is the parent of a severely mentally handicapped adult child, so she knows well the difference between what the word "idiot" means now and what it meant 155 years ago.

Jochum has sponsored a bill removing the word "idiot" from the Iowa Constitution, and expects the legislature to approve the amendment and allow Iowans to vote on it. So, most likely, the word "idiot" will soon be removed from our Constitution.

There are, of course, a few other laws that really are on the books in our state that we can still laugh about.

      * It is illegal to act drunk in public (123.46). You can't even pretend to be drunk in public. It's called "simulated intoxication." Those who act drunk in public face up to 30 days in jail and a $100 fine. Washington County Attorney Barb Edmondson assures me, however, that she does not plan on prosecuting anyone for merely acting drunk in public, unless they are committing some other crime.

      * It is illegal to adopt your spouse (597.10). I don't know why anyone would want to do that. Maybe you wish your wife had been raised differently. Maybe you want to spank or slap your husband- or in this age of low tolerance of corporal punishment, put him in "time-out." But Iowa law denies you those opportunities.

      * It is illegal to insult or annoy the prisoners in the county jail (356.25). You cannot insult the creeps who assaulted, robbed or otherwise harmed you while they are in jail. Wait until they get out. You may, however, insult or annoy the jailer. Just don't make fun of his fishing hat.

      * Votes cast by dead people don't count (53.32). If you die before the next election, don't bother trying to vote. Bring proof that you are alive to the polls. Of course, with the recent trend toward more absentee balloting, someone who dies after they cast an early absentee vote and before the election can cause- and in some places has caused - headaches for the people who count votes.

In a few months, it seems, Iowans will be able to vote the "idiots" out - but only out of the Constitution.