How to avoid toothpaste splatter

      My son gave me a Christmas gift that keeps on giving and gives new meaning to the phrase, "tickling the ivories."He gave me a state-of-the-art electric toothbrush, and even though I prefer gifts that do not require electrical current, I make an exception for my toothbrush.

      The toothbrush is so powerful that, according to the user's manual, "[It] cleans teeth with a combination of 31,000 brush strokes per minute and gentle sonic waves." In fact, it is so powerful that it has an "easy start feature," made necessary by those 31,000 brush strokes per minute which tickle mightily before you gradually become used to the sensation.

      Maybe my favorite instruction in the manual reads, "To avoid toothpaste splatter, place the brush head in your mouth before you press the power button." My empirical data shows that failing to do so means that thousands of specks of toothpaste splatter hits your clothing. While your teeth may be cleaner, your clothing looks like you need the most technologically-advanced dandruff shampoo known to humankind.

      Of course, by this time, my teeth and gums have become desensitized to all that motion of the brush and I ponder the significance of the universe while waiting for my two-minute dental workout to end.

      During a recent morning's brushing I was thinking about other things that happen when I fail to close my mouth. Words, whether spoken aloud or dribbled out of a pen onto paper or keyboard onto computer monitor often splatter widely.

      My morning cogitating then moved on to the rhetoric used in public by opposite sides of local controversial issues. It's tough to stick to facts and logic when people are passionate about their causes, but it is also tough to see personalities get verbally vilified in speech or letter. Unfortunately, when hurtful words are splattered in all directions, taking them back is like trying to put the toothpaste back into the tube.

      One of the most troubling features of the local controversies is that some of the people involved have volunteered their time and efforts to serve on boards. When I hear and read that an individual has called them liars and murderers, I wonder how many people will want to volunteer to serve on boards in the future.

      Now the community has a growing controversy over first amendment issues. The people who would like to see X-rated adult videos removed from a local business are exercising their rights to free speech. Some of those who oppose them by waving the first amendment banner also seek to silence the anti-pornography activists.

      After sitting through the recent legislative briefing and city council meeting, it appears as though the argument will be narrowed to who has access to the X-rated section of the video store. According to the Constitution and state code, the X-rated materials are likely to remain available to adults.

      I have heard several people say that they will let their billfolds speak for them. So, at toothbrushing/cogitating time this morning, it dawned on me that there may be more than one way to get into someone's billfold.

      When Iowa legislators opened the state up to gambling, they also set aside a portion of gambling profits to assist gamblers who become addicted. Tobacco, an addictive substance, is also regulated and taxed. It may be worthwhile for legislators to consider taxing the pornography industry and their consumers to pay for the treatment of their addicts and victims of addicts.

      While I support first amendment issues, I also know that like toothpaste on my electric toothbrush, the availability of pornographic materials will create a splatter pattern in the community. In spite of everyone's good intentions, children will be exposed to those materials. Some children will be harmed, and are already being harmed.

      When harm happens I know some of the people who will, and currently do, help addicts and their victims. Two of the pastors who are opposed to the X-rated section at the video store counsel sex addicts and victims of sexual offenders. They and their churches know how to handle the splatter and how to redeem those who have been touched by the splatter.

      It's a good thing that the practice of good dental hygiene includes brushing two times a day. I need at least that many reminders to put the toothpaste-ladened brush in my mouth and close my lips before I press on the on button.