Mentholatum

By Curt Swarm

I had been priding myself that I had not had this cold and flu that?s going around. If I ran into a neighbor at the supermarket, who looked like death warmed over, I was quick to sympathize, offer the chicken-soup remedy, and be on my way without gloating. If you gloat, you?ll be sick the next day.

When I went to refill one of my standard prescriptions, the pharmacist informed me that the doctor was requiring a visit before granting more refills. Oh. Everyone knows that if you don?t want to get sick, stay away from the doctor?s office. I was stuck between a rock and a hard place. Reluctantly, I made the appointment.

When I walked into the waiting room of the clinic, I couldn?t believe my eyes. It looked like a war zone. People were actually wearing masks. Two different sets of people, one old and one young, were coughing so hard it sounded like seals barking. I sat as far away from everyone as I could, and tried not to touch anything. When my name was called, I bounded through the doors, got myself weighed, and made a bee line for the exam room.

When the doctor came in, all smiley, he said, ?What are you doing here, Curtis?? I said, ?I need my prescription refilled.? He said, ?Oh,? and punched some numbers into the computer, and it was done.

Ten days later, yep, it started?that burning of the eyes and throat. I thought, ?I?ll nip this in the bud, take some cold meds, and go to bed early.?

I woke up in the middle of the night. One eye was matted shut, and I couldn?t breath through my nose. I doubled up on cold meds and spent the rest of the night sitting up. Did you know that Law and Order is on at 3:00 in the morning?

I spent the next two days on the couch, watched Netflix movies, and tried not to feel sorry for myself. The operative word here is ?tried.? I would have a few hours when I was feeling better, and thought I had it licked. Then I would get knocked down again.

I called the doctor?s office and asked if I could get a prescription for an antibiotic without coming in. No.

So, I made another trip to the war zone. I joked with the nurse about not being sick until I came here. She said, ?Yeah, we hear that a lot.?

The doctor tried his best to examine my throat from two feet away. When he grimaced, I didn?t have to ask why. I left with my prescription for an antibiotic.

The antibiotic was one of those five-day jobbies. Three days into it, when I was actually worse than when I was taking over-the-counter meds, I contemplated a life of continuous misery.

One of my readers called with a story idea. I told her I was sick in bed with a sinus infection. She said one word, ?Mentholatum.?

I said, ?I?ve been stuffing Vicks up my nose. Is that what you mean??

?Mentholatum,? she said.

After searching for half an hour in the drugstore, I found it. There was one left. In the car in the parking lot, with trembling hands, I tore the box open and unscrewed the lid. I smeared some Mentholatum on my cheek bones and forehead. My eyes immediately watered, and my nose started running.

?Oh what a beautiful morning, oh what a beautiful day. I?ve got a wonderful feeling, everything?s going my way.?

I?m gonna live!

Have a good story? Call or text Curt Swarm in Mt. Pleasant at 319-217-0526, email him at curtswarm@yahoo.com, or visit his website at www.empty-nest-words-photos-and-frames.com. Curt also reads his columns at www.lostlakeradio.com.