Talking with kids about COVID-19

With school closures and general disruptions to everyday life, living through the COVID-19 pandemic may be a jarring experience, especially for younger children. Local counselors from southeast Iowa school districts offered tips and guidance on how to help students understand and adapt to the drastic changes.

Kelsie Roland, an elementary school counselor with Fairfield Community School District (FCSD), suggested making sure to keep in mind a child's developmental level. For elementary students, keeping explanations 'short and simple” are important.

'More in depth descriptions may only confuse and frighten them,” she explained.

The counseling team at Washington Community School District (WCSD), which includes elementary school counselors Jean Knowles and Kelsey Martins and middle and high school counselors Emily Miller, Kathy Stender and Belinda Robinson, added it can be helpful to allow 'kids to take the lead on what to discuss.”

'Sometimes we think we know what they are thinking, but to ask them what they are thinking and then addressing only those things so they have time to process things they are thinking about [can be helpful],” they said.

'It is also important for kids to know that they can ask any questions any time, so as they ask those questions and we talk with them about them, they know they can come back and ask additional things,” the team added.

In addition to explaining the current circumstances in an age-appropriate way, one of the most helpful things parents can do is get students into a routine and provide structure to their days. Brianna Porter, the middle school counselor for the Mt. Pleasant Community School District (MPCSD), said setting a routine can reduce anxiety and concerns.

'Students know, ‘now I'm going to eat breakfast, now I'm going to have some downtime, now I'm going to work on school work.' It takes away the unknown and uncertainty,” Porter explained.

Sara LeBlanc, the elementary school counselor for MPCSD, added writing a schedule down on a whiteboard or any other way to help kids visualize their schedule can also be helpful.

'It helps them prepare their minds for what's happening next. Consistency and structure is very calming in times of stress. Especially for younger students or those who are more prone to anxiety, they benefit from knowing what and when things are happening,” LeBlanc added.

Porter added focusing on helping students can control versus what they cannot will allow them to understand where to focus their energy.

'It helps students understand, ‘so I can't go to school, but I can control whether I participate in voluntary learning and I can communicate with friends.' It shifts that mind-set from feeling helpless,” Porter said.

For children who may feel more anxious about the situation, the counselors added it is important parents are validating students' concerns and making sure they feel heard.

'Recognizing and acknowledging a child's feelings through this time can help them feel they are understood and have someone they can trust,” Roland said.

Porter added sometimes parents' attempts to be positive may result in kids not feeling heard.

'Instead of going ‘oh well you should look forward to not being in school,' it's important to be connecting with them and letting them be heard,” Porter explained. The MPMS counselor added limiting news intake may also be important to help reduce anxiety.

'There's a difference between giving them the facts and being informed and fueling it,” she added.

LeBlanc said for elementary-age kids who may not be as skilled at verbalizing their emotions, parents should be regularly checking in.

'You might see a child being defiant and acting out, which may be how they deal with anxiety. It's really important to stay calm and ask students to use their words. Parents need to check in with their kids,” LeBlanc said.

In addition to making sure their children are doing well, counselors noted it's important adults and parents are taking care of themselves as well.

'We think it is important for adults to model talking about their own feelings about things, not just the Coronavirus. Talking about change and how to work through emotions attached to that will help kids know it is OK to have feelings, sometimes even really big ones, related to changes,” the WCSD counseling team added.

Both LeBlanc and Porter said children usually take cues from parents, which means it is 'paramount” adults are also dealing with the changes in a healthy manner.

'Students will have a reference point when trauma happens later from which to fall back on. It's a good reminder for parents to stay positive for our kids,” Porter said of how this time can impact children down the road.