Respect the designated driver

My name is Dave and I am a designated driver.

I wonder how many people caught that the first line of the column is meant to be an homage to Alcoholics Anonymous. In any event, that is me. I have a good time at clubs, but still remember what happened the next day. I don?t spend all my money on a splitting headache. Mostly, I don?t have anything to apologize for the next day. To that person who went out the other night and remembers that you were the wittiest, funnest, and most charming person in the club - you weren?t.

Although I have been running into a problem, and it is more common than most people may think. I have to admit I haven?t had it happen here in Washington County, but in several neighboring counties I have. I am really not sure why this makes me as angry as it does, but it is a very quick way to grind my gears. Picture this ? you are out with friends, making sure everyone has a good time and everyone is safe. The waiter or waitress comes to your table to take orders. After a variety of beer and shot orders, it comes to you and you ask for a glass of water. Almost immediately the wait staff?s eyes glaze over and they look straight through me for the rest of the evening. I am not joking ? I can?t even get that person?s attention to place any kind of order. If I want food or a refill on water, I am out of luck.

Looking at this pragmatically, I am sure there are plenty of reasons for this. I?m sure that wait staff wants to move the people who are spending less money out of the way to make room for the people who don?t have a problem with $5 drinks. I am also sure, and this is kind of on me, the tip rate from people drinking water is probably not very much. Still, I can?t help but take it personally. I am being treated like a second-class citizen because I am not a lush.

It seems to me when there is one person with a group of people who is not consuming adult beverages, it is fairly obvious why that person is there. I?m sure I don?t have to make the following points to the wait staff in Washington, but on the off chance a bartender or waiter from another county reads this, here are a few points you should consider:

? while the designated driver is not directly filling the cash register, the people they are with will probably spend at least twice as much money as they otherwise would have if they had to worry about driving themselves home;

? return business is better with people who have not gotten an OWI on the way home from your business;

? having a sober person there can help keep the others in line. Ask anyone who owns a bar ? city or county oversight boards look at how many problems there have been at a business and how many OWIs have come from that business when it is time to renew a liquor license;

? if high taxes make you mad, think that many times a designated driver is doing his or her thing, it is depriving city or county government and insurance companies somewhere in the neighborhood of $15,000, the average total cost of an OWI conviction;

? it is a P.R. nightmare when a drunk driver coming from your business crushes a Prius with half the city council and several wealthy investors inside;

? you have friends and family on the roads that are that much safer because a sober person is behind the wheel; and

? sober people can also provide the coveted word-of-mouth advertising that so many businesses strive for.

Given all of that, I would think bars would welcome designated drivers with open arms. I guess I am wrong. Oh well, such is the thankless job of a designated driver.

Still, in many ways it is worth it when one of your passengers flatly tells you to be careful driving because a cop could pull you over and give you a breath alcohol test, and you can say, ?They can give me 100 breathalyzer tests. See if I care.?