We Are Family

My youngest sister, Mary, had a surprise birthday party over the weekend. One of her friends at Iowa State, where she goes to school, organized the party and invited several of her high school classmates and her two siblings. It was a 2 ½ hour  drive for me and even farther for my sister, Julie, who drove four hours from Wisconsin. We all gathered at a restaurant in one of its back rooms. Mary?s friend told a fib about why the two had to go to that restaurant that particular day. When Mary opened the door and saw all of us inside, she just about had a heart attack.

My sisters and I get along extremely well, although that was not always the case. I remember the days in elementary school when I was pretty mean to them. In fact, I remember a lot of kids were mean to their younger siblings and to other kids in general. The satirical newspaper ?The Onion? once had an article with the headline ?New Study Reveals Most Children Unrepentant Sociopaths.? It was intended as a joke but it?s not too far from the truth. Children can be very cruel.

In junior high my sisters and I were still on bad terms because I was convinced they were annoying me on purpose. In retrospect, part of the problem was that I was easily annoyed (but I still say that they were intentionally irritating me). I was prone to interpret everything they did as a deliberate attempt to drive me nuts.

In high school, a miracle happened and I was finally able to tolerate living under the same roof as them. I think I was better at controlling my emotions by then and I also think my sisters weren?t trying as hard to annoy me. Since high school we have become very good friends and now we can?t wait to see each other.

I?m sure there are numerous kids still today who do not get along well with their siblings. I would advise them to not be so sensitive. My biggest problem was making a mountain out of a molehill, and I know some of my classmates had the same problem with their brothers and sisters. Your sibling is probably annoying you because they know they can get a rise out of you. Don?t give it to them. Let it roll off your back.

Older siblings also need to be reminded of the wrongness of hurting other people, whether or not the other person started it. Ask them, ?How would you like it if someone hit you?? I think this sort of moral reasoning played a role in changing my attitudes toward violence, even as a child. It also didn?t hurt that my sisters had the support of Mom and Dad, who were in charge of resolving disputes within the family.