With Airs and Graces

I am a terrible gift giver.

Christmas, birthdays, Mother's Day, Father's Day -- they are some of the most stressful times of my life. A procrastinator at heart, I either wait too long to even begin shopping for a gift or I change my mind several times and wind up with too many (unreturnable) items. All which I find unacceptable but wind up giving anyway because I run out of time and money.

Being a good gift giver is an innate gift. I mean, can you imagine being confident in your gift giving abilities? What luxury.

InStyle Magazine published a story called 'This is why you're such a terrible gift giver.” The writer, Amanda Richards, proceded to note the wonderful gifts she's given over the years that brought tears to the eyes of her family and friends. Brag on.

Richards goes on to drag her sister about the horrible gifts she has given family members over the years such as candles (hey, candles are classy) and VHS tapes. Other people Richards interviewed said that they have the same 'dissociative fugue” that plagues them during the holiday season. They stress about the impending month of December, then mentally shut down before hitting the stores without a gift idea in mind and end up purchasing something outlandish.

One woman said she panicks about not being able to find something 'special” enough and ends up with generic, boring gifts.

This exact gift-giving anxiety is the reason I only buy gifts online from the safety of my couch where I can shed stress-related tears without judgment of retail workers.

It's good to know I'm not alone in my gift-giving anxiety. According to a Consumer Reports survey, 28 percent of people surveyed reported stress surrounding holiday gift shopping. This anxiety tends to stem from whether the person will like the item; if it is too big or too small; if it is too expensive or too cheap; whether their reaction meets the giver's expectations; or if they already have the item.

People worry obsessively over choosing the right gift because they falsely believe it will strengthen the relationship, according to an article in Psychology Today. In the same way, the wrong gift could end the relationship.

I get that. It's that line of thinking that keeps me awake at night in a cold sweat wondering if my gift will make me look thoughtful or thoughtless.

That's when I have to stop and remind myself that no matter the gift and no matter who it is from, receiving a gift always makes me feel special, and that's what I should strive for when giving gifts to others. This is all just to say that your loved ones will love you no matter what gift you give -- even if it's a candle.

For those other procrastinators like me, this is a reminder to start Christmas shopping now. You have *looks at watch* approximately 100 hours.

As for me, I actually finished my Christmas shopping a week ago. I decided early on -- like August -- to start listening better. Anything someone mentioned wanting in passing I wrote into a list. I'll be my own Santa Claus.

Now to find that wrapping paper.