Attentive care makes the difference

BRIGHTON — According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, approximately 24,000 babies in the United States are still born. One in 100 pregnancies at or beyond 20 weeks ends in stillbirth.

“A stillbirth is the death of a baby before or during delivery,” the CDC defines. “In the United States, a miscarriage is usually defined as loss of a baby before the 20th week of pregnancy, and a stillbirth is loss of a baby at 20 weeks of pregnancy and later.”

This October, which is known as Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month, Kendra DeWolf shares her experience when her daughter Ellie Mae Ann, at 38 weeks gestation, became one of those 24,000 stillbirths last year.

“The causes of many stillbirths are unknown,” the CDC states. “Stillbirth occurs in families of all races, ethnicities, and income levels, and to women of all ages.”

For Kendra, the reason for Ellie’s stillbirth still is mostly unknown, but she feels if her doctors had listened better or if she had spoken up and advocated more, her outcome could have been different.

“If they would have just changed one thing one week prior, she probably would still be here,” Kendra said.

Kendra’s pregnancy with Ellie brought much happiness into the lives of herself, her husband, and their families, especially after trying for two years to get pregnant.

“We were over the moon excited and everything,” Kendra said. “Our daughter broke the boy curse on my husband’s side.”

According to Kendra, her husband Jordan DeWolf’s side of the family only had boys until Ellie made her way into the picture.

“Everybody was so excited for this brand-new baby girl that no one had had before then,” Kendra said.

The pregnancy continued relatively uneventfully until 37 weeks when Kendra said she felt the beginning of labor.

Even though Kendra said, “contractions were spot on, but I wasn't dilated. My water hadn't broken.” The hospital she visited did not consider her to be in active labor because she had not begun to dilate.

While she said she tried to convince the doctors otherwise, she was sent home with muscle relaxers, told to take it easy and return to the hospital a week later.

“They said they would stop my contractions,” Kendra recalled. “They didn’t tell me it was going to stop everything. So, by 38 weeks, we went back in, and she was gone.”

According to Kendra, she went into the hospital Jan. 6, 2022, a day before they told her to return after calling in to tell them she felt like something was wrong.

“I tried calling and told them I don’t feel good, something doesn’t feel right,” Kendra said. “They just told me to take a warm bath, take a shower, just take a nap. I told them no, I think something is wrong, but they said no take a nap. So, I did.”

“I took a nap,” she said. “Obviously I regret that now.”

After her nap Kendra said she noticed more changes in her body and called the hospital to tell them she was coming in regardless.

“I literally had to convince the nurse to let me come in,” she said.

According to Kendra, after arrival, she and her husband waited in the hallway before being taken to a room where “ … a group of doctors were looking at this computer screen and of course they told us those dreaded words, ‘She’s gone.’”

Then, Kendra said they were left feeling confused and alone as the room emptied of all but one nurse.

“I honestly do say thank you to her because she stayed,” Kendra said. “She did pray with us, but then she left as well and we were left alone for an hour.”

As she sat in the room with her husband heavy with grief, Kendra wondered why nothing was happening.

“Why are we not rushing to an emergency c-section?” she wondered. “Why are we not doing anything? Why are we just sitting here? And at that point I was so distraught.”

As she tried to demand something to be done or they give her more information, Kendra mourned even more deeply as she saw live babies passing by her room.

According to Kendra, her hospital knew about the No Foot Too Small program and about the bereavement suites in another hospital not far away.

This left her wondering why they wouldn’t have transferred her sometime in her six hours there to a space she “could have been in a place where it would have been a better bereavement area to be in for what [she] was going through.”

Kendra felt that she and her family were met without compassion or information as they waited well over six hours before her medical team decided to deliver Ellie via c-section.

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According to Kendra, this lack of care in her situation continued even after the birth when she did not receive hand and foot molds or follow-up information except for a recommendation to see a therapist following the stillbirth.

Kendra holds to the thought that if they had handled things differently, her story would be drastically different, especially considering the hospital’s autopsy report stated that Ellie had passed away 12 to 24 hours prior to her delivery.

“Had they not told me to take a nap and what have been concerned and actually hadn't come in, it would have lined up perfectly with that,” she said.

Thankfully for Kendra, however, her motherhood journey did not end that day.

Kendra says when she first learned she was pregnant with their rainbow baby William Henry Bennet Lee, it was drastically different.

“In the beginning it was definitely nerve wracking,” she said. “I loved being pregnant with Ellie, and I wanted to enjoy pregnancy with William, and I did towards the end, but in the beginning I was just so lost.”

Her experience with a different hospital much further away was drastically different.

While she initially began care through the same hospital that delivered Ellie, Kendra said that once her brain started to wake up, she wanted to find a new hospital.

“I wanted to find a new system to go through,” she said. “We went through a few different people at first because we were trying to find our health care system that worked for us. … By the time we found the health care team we needed and wanted to go through up in Des Moines, we were getting ultrasounds three times a week.”

This new health care system made Kendra feel safe and heard even in their approach to initially planning to have her come into the hospital weeks early for monitoring.

“I’m just so thankful for my doctor and my O.B. for listening to me,” she said of her experience with prenatal care for William.

William, however, had different plans for his arrival.

Kendra says that their delivery of William started very similar to her experience with Ellie, but with a much better outcome.

“He came basically the same way at a different hospital, and they listened,” Kendra said. “My water didn't break, and I didn't dilate.”

After an adventurous drive to Des Moines for her second delivery, Kendra and her husband welcomed the healthy baby William April 2 this year at approximately 35 weeks gestation.

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“Honestly, I’m in love with this little boy,” Kendra said as she smiled sweetly at healthy baby William.

Even with her sweet rainbow baby safely in her arms, Kendra says the remember Ellie with love and she hopes that sharing her story can encourage other moms to speak up and advocate.

“They don't always know better,” she said. “We’ve learned to advocate, and honestly, someday I would love to be able to open up an advocator center kind of thing and be able to help first time moms and moms in general find support when they feel like their doctors aren’t listening to them because unfortunately, it happens more times than not.”

Comments: AnnaMarie.Ward@southeastiowaunion.com