Just listen

”19 Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger; 20 for the anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God.” -James 1:19-20 (ESV)

I learned so much from my dad. What he taught me has stayed with me and become part of my own walk with God. He taught me to always be ready. As a pastor one of his favorite sayings to me was, 'You need to be ready to preach, pray, or die at a moments notice.” He taught me to walk by faith. One day as we were discussing his retirement and finances he made the statement, 'Gordon, I don't want to ever be in a place where I'm not trusting God.” There's a lot of practical truth in both of those. But perhaps what he taught me about compassion for people has impacted me the most. He drilled into me that, 'People will not care how much you know, until they know how much you care.” I learned firsthand from my dad what it looked like and meant to have compassion and empathy for people and the single greatest example I saw from my dad in this was that he just listened to people.

Our culture has lost that great gift and ability to be able to, or chose to, just listen. Social media has not done us any favors in helping us listen as all it seems to encourage is being swift to speak and slow to hear and as a result being swift to anger. We are too quick to talk, to react, to argue, to defend ourselves or our point of view. Instead of listening to what others are saying we are preparing our next question, or comment, or accusation. It is no wonder that we find ourselves in conflict, unable or unwilling to resolve issues, why discussions always seem to end in arguments, and why we are unable to control our anger.

What does it mean to just listen. Listening to people is not just hearing words come out of their mouths, but actively listening to what they are saying. It is deliberately paying attention to the other person, maintaining eye contact, noticing their facial and body expressions, and taking in and processing what they are saying. I had to teach my church family about this. When they would come to me with a concern, complaint, or for counseling they had to get used to the idea that it would take me a little while to come up with my next question or comment. I had been attentively listening to them rather than preparing my next response and they had to learn patience in communication.

Strengthening or even restoring your marriage? Begin by just listening. Repairing a relationship with child or parent? Begin by just listening. Rebuilding the morale of your employees, building unity and true fellowship with your local body of Christ, growing in your own walk with God, ministering to someone in a time of need …? Just listen.

Maybe today we become the change we want to see. Maybe today we just listen.