Take the next step

IOWA — Domestic abuse is brought front and center to the collective public during October to raise awareness, help victim-survivors know they’re not alone, and provide needed information about resources.

Through the telling of victim-survivor stories, the Domestic Violence Intervention Program and Southeast Iowa Union provided some of that awareness and showed victim-survivors they’re not alone.

According to Secretary of State Paul Pate, approximately one in three Iowans reported experiencing domestic violence, sexual abuse, or stalking from their partner.

“That’s 35% of women and 29% of men in our state,” he said.

“By raising awareness about the problem, we can support victims and survivors while holding abusers accountable,” Secretary of State Pate said.

What is Domestic Violence/Abuse?

DVIP defines it as relationship abuse with a pattern of behaviors used to gain or maintain power and control over a partner.

Types of Abuse

Physical

Physical abuse includes unwanted physical contact, which may or may not cause an injury. Physical abuse can be directed at you, your children, household pets or others.

Emotional and Verbal

Emotional abuse is mistreating and controlling another person. The emotional abuser makes their partner feel afraid, helpless and/or worthless.

Intimidation and Threats

The primary function of intimidation and threats is to instill fear and insure compliance.

Isolation

Isolation can be devastating. It prevents someone who is battered/abused from accessing support or resources. In addition, batterers through abusive tactics will turn family and friends against their partner.

Using the Children

Threatening or hurting someone we love is a tactic to insure compliance. Batterers know that many victims are willing to suffer almost anything to protect their loved ones

Sexual

Sexual assault is any activity committed by force or against the will of another person. Sexual abuse/assault can also include degrading treatment based on your sexuality or sexual orientation; using force or coercion in pregnancy.

Financial

Controlling a battered person’s access to financial resources can directly affect their ability to be independent of the batterer.

Control through over protection and “caring”

Some batterers will use concepts like caring for or protecting as a means to control another. The emphasis here is on the intention of the action — will there be consequences if you don’t go along with their “kindness.”

Using societal privilege

In our society, many of us carry value based on our status. Some examples include being male, wealthy, heterosexual or white-skinned.

Digital

Digital abuse is the use of technology and the internet to bully, harass, stalk, intimidate, or control a partner. This behavior is often a form of verbal or emotional abuse conducted online.

Stalking

Stalking occurs when someone watches, follows, or harasses you repeatedly, making you feel afraid or unsafe, and may occur from someone you know, a past partner, or a stranger.

According to DVIP, most abusive relationships consist of more than one of these abusive behaviors at a time.

“Someone you know has been a victim of domestic violence,” Secretary of State Pate said. “By raising awareness, you can help victims become survivors.”

How to help others

If you’ve begun to see the signs of an abusive relationship in someone you care for, there are ways you can help.

Keep lines of communication open and listen.

According to the Onelove Foundation, “It is likely that they feel as though things are already chaotic enough in their life, so to best help them, you will need to be a steady support with whom they can talk openly and peacefully.”

Allow your loved one to make their own decisions.

It may seem difficult, but making decisions for your loved one only exasperates a cycle of control.

Research and be prepared to offer solutions, when they’re ready.

Be prepared to continue to support them, even after they leave.

How to help yourself

You’ve made the first step by recognizing you need help, now what?

Calling DVIP at 1-800-373-1043 or visiting their website www.dvipiowa.org may be the next step.

DVIP will assist victim-survivors and concerned loved ones in next steps.

They work with victim-survivors where they’re at to help.

“These individuals are experts,” DVIP Director of Community Engagement Alta Medea said. “They have kept themselves alive and safe up to the point of them coming to us. Our job is to help translate and navigate, safe places to live and choosing whether or not to pursue systems.”

DVIP provides safety strategies from safety plans distributed by state domestic violence coalitions and local domestic violence programs around the country.

“There is no guarantee that if you follow all or some, of these strategies that you will be safe; however, implementing these strategies could help to improve your safety situation,” the DVIP website states.

When planning next steps, it is important to determine your level of personal safety.

DVIP encourages victim-survivors to identify their partner’s use and level of force so they can better assess danger to themselves and their children before it occurs.

“List the cues that your partner is escalating so you have way to evaluate when the situation may become dangerous,” DVIP suggests.

Victim-survivors are instructed to find ways to keep themselves safe until they are able to leave the situation.

During this time, document abuse with pictures, doctor’s records, text messages, etc.

When it is safe to leave, if able, victim-survivors should prepare a plan, and can utilize DVIP advocates to do so.

Comments: AnnaMarie.Ward@southeastiowaunion.com