Tuesday’s with Andy: This is the end

Guys, it's almost over. The horrible sportsless time of spring 2020 has taken its toll on America, and especially me, but next week it's almost back to normal as Iowa High School summer sports officially get underway. Hallelujah!

It has been over three months of not covering sports and about two-and-a-half months without sports being on TV. If you would have told me three months ago that I'd have to live in a world without sports for that long, I'd probably say I would spend every day curled up in the fetal position rocking back and forth ... and I would be right.

Just kidding, I don't do that, at least not all the time. But I do think I may be going insane, and I think everybody else is even going more insane. It's time for sports to be back.

As a husband and father, I luckily don't have that much free time. There is usually something to distract me from the sea of pain that no sports brings on. But once Addie goes to bed and my wife, Sarah, starts doing work for school, or her masters program, and my dog, Opie, is passed out from chasing around a toddler all day, I'm left to my own devices.

I have an addiction to addiction, needing to constantly be obsessed with something to take my mind away from every day life. Sports, and losing money gambling on sports, usually fills that void. I needed something else, and fast.

As members of the Tuesday Troupe know, I got really into marble racing, until the YouTube videos ran out. I got really into toy horse racing, but that doesn't take up enough time, and I got really into a few NETFLIX documentaries, but those have ran their course.

It's interesting. When I'm spending my entire day working or doing family activities, all I want to do is lay down on the couch alone and watch television. But then when I have all the time in the world to lay on the couch and watch television, the habit usually loses its spark.

I'm not a huge video game player, and I'm not very good at them, but I did have extra time to jump on the XBOX and take on the teens and preteens of the world in the online game, 'Fortnite.” My 29-year old fingers aren't fast enough to beat people straight up, but I've mastered the skill of hiding around corners and ambushing much better players.

That strategy usually brings me some major heat in the private messages. You guys have no idea how creative the kids have gotten with their insults. Words they shouldn't be saying at their age, or ever in public, hurled at a complete stranger halfway across the country. I, of course, assume all the messages come from kids on the coasts and not the heavenly Midwest, where nobody ever says anything unpleasant.

They probably think I too am some 13-year old sitting in my bedroom, eating Air Heads and trying to keep myself busy so I don't distract my mom from the important work she's doing at the dining room table. Oh how shocked they'd be when it turns out I am actually some 29-year old sitting in my living room, eating Air Heads and trying to keep myself busy so I don't distract my wife from the important work she's doing at the dining room table.

I have to admit, I'll miss some things about quarantine life. I'll miss the extra time with family, the structured nine-to-five daily schedule, and you, my loyal column readers.

As you may have figured out, this will be the last Tuesdays with Andy for a while. The sports page will go back to being filled with wall-to-wall coverage of our many talented teams.

This weekly column has been quite an experience. We've laughed, we've cried. Have you cried? I've cried. Maybe not while doing the column, but definitely when I ran out marble racing videos, and then again when those mean teenagers sent those messages, and then again when I learned Carol Baskins got full control of Joe Exotic's zoo. If you don't get that reference, by the way, it's your own fault.

We've learned about Dennis Rodman and the Wiggles. We've taken a deep dive into my life and why I am the way I am today. It's been a wild ride, and as much as I'm excited to get back to normal, I'll definitely miss all of Tuesday's with Andy's twists and turns.

Thank you for reading this, along with our weekly Friday column, 'Friday's with Doug.” When you see me at baseball and softball games, we can reminisce about all the times we had with this column, alone but together. But for now, I must bid you adu.

Unless, of course, Coronavirus comes back with a vengeance, this entire summer sports season gets derailed from the start and we find ourselves right back in the same hole, in which case, I'll talk to you in a couple weeks. Thank you for reading, and thank you to Winona Ryder for being a good sport and not getting me canceled after I took those unnecessary shots at her for cheap laughs. Oh, and happy Tuesday.